guavas and war

Guava trees are in bloom.  Everyday, we pass a very special  guava tree and it makes my face tingly. My legs stop moving and I get stuck sniffing as hard as can as if the harder I sniff the more possible it is to store the smell deep in my mind to be pulled out and resmelled later.  It is hard  to believe that there are missiles being dropped when the world can stand still at the scent of a guava. I imagine heaven probably smells like a guava tree.


Although I know everyone at home is worried, which I can very much appreciate, my life continues as usual.  I am learning how to knit. This morning I repotted my basil and we are rooting a sweet potato and an avocado seed.  I am also eating cornflakes out of the box and remembering that I need to go throw our laundry.  I feel very safe.

Still, things are different now. With a war so close you can very much feel the tension.  I refuse to take sides or to contribute to the fear-mongering...except to say that I have a vested interest in Israeli success...and in peace.  

I am a naive american who hates the thought that people are dying as a result of ignorance and fear.  I was lucky to grow up in a place where conflict and war were not part of my day-to-day life.  Thus, I don't feel that I am equipped to make statements about the politics of it all. What I do know is that peace would be better.   I also know that Israelis are  wise people.  They are well-equipped, both in spirit and in strategy, to defend thier right to exist.

A few words of caution:  Think for yourselves.  Don't believe everything you see.  Dont let the media feed your fears and don't chose sides when you don't really know.  War and hatred are only fed by attention.  Follow your heart and remember that there are bigger things going on on this planet than war.

The world was once purely complex, then came the ego of man and it became bitterly complicated.

With undying love for knitting needles the size of drumsticks, black coffee in the morning, Koko, and Gingies,

I respectfully remain,
J. Michael Hess Webber

ההרפתקה הגדולה...וגמלים.

I awoke Saturday morning to the sounds of the rain falling on the mirpesset and the wind blowing our palm tree against the window screen. I love rainy mornings when you wake up warm in bed.  I was supposed to meet Urian, my boss, at the entrance to the kibbutz at 6:30am.  He had us scheduled for a mysterious pizza mission, the details of which he refused to divulge.

It was so cold that I got dressed in twos.  I piled on two pairs of pants, two t-shirts, two sweaters, two pairs of socks, annnd a scarf and a hat (I am really not prepared for cold weather).  An interesting sidenote about pants and socks... I have been working really hard at filling in the gaps in my vocabulary.  Last week, I learned all the words for clothing: sharvulim (sleeves), tzahif (scarf), chagorah (belt).  Now, every morning is like a very stimulating Hebrew lesson.

Anyway...

I climbed into the van which is soaked through and through with the stench of pizza dough and whose apolstery is covered in a millimeter of  baking flour.   I greeted Urian with a boker tov and asked him where we were going. South, he said.  And south we went.  We drove past Be'er Sheva into the desert.  I napped (a new English word for Urian) and awoke to sunshine and the dry, clean breeze of the Negev.

There is something unreal about the desert.  It is a solitary place, but not lonely. Being there is a similar feeling to sitting on a sailboat in the middle of the sea.  Surrounded by nothing but what is...nature yet untouched. The desert offers you the space to feel and the quiet to think.

Three hours later we arrived.  It happened that we were working a bat mitzvah party at a bedouin camel ranch.  What an awesome surprise.   This 13-year-old girl traded her huge party for a family camel ride and taboon pizza lunch.  I thought she was really special. Two people told me I looked Israeli.  That tickled me.  Urian said, while laughing, that he wasn't sure it was a compliment.

We left the ranch and stopped at an oasis park.  Urian smoked a cigarette and we trekked up to a lookout. I counted exactly 219 steps up to the top.   From the hill we could see Mitzpe Ramon and stretches and stretches of rolling sand and stone.   We drove a little farther and then stopped at the home of Urian's parents.  His mama fed us dinner...fried gefilte fish balls.  Her name is Rachel, she is Iraqi.  His father, Willy, is Romanian.  While Urian shaved I asked them to tell me the story of how they met.  57 years ago on a bus in Tel Aviv, Rachel was on her way to visit her boyfriend and Willy asked her to go on a date with him instead.  They gave Urian a happy childhood.  

Next, we drove to Ra'anana to work another bar mitzvah at night.  This one was more typical but the coolest thing about it was that the family choreographed and performed a step-dance routine as a gift to Amir, the Bar Mitzvah.  They dribbled basketballs to keep the beat.  It was pretty stupendous.

As we drove home in a happy silence it started to rain again.  Everything full circle.

With undying love for betzek, zaytim, tiras, batzal, petriot, and Shachar's borscht,

I humbly remain,
J. Michael Hess Webber

Tony Zusman

the world will miss you. i will miss you. 

Rest in peace, brother.

Hi!

Long time, no post.  I know.  It is not that I have been too busy or that I've had nothing to blog about.  But my mind has been full and busy. 

I am 27 now.  I'm working and living in paradise. Life is simple here. I have my small group of special friends with whom I spend most of my time. I am learning Hebrew. I am enrolled in an all-girls surfing class on Friday mornings and I work on the weekends making pizzas at weddings and private parties. My boss is a man named Urian who reminds me a lot of Cosmo Kramer from Seinfeld.

I have had a lot of free time to create.  I have been working on some ideas that I am hoping can lead to a sustaining career.  I have been painting a lot.  Monsters mostly but really anything that makes me laugh.

Sometimes I look at pictures of myself before the kibbutz and I wonder how I lived.  I shopped too much.  Spent too much money.  I wasn't patient.  I had a lot of trouble relaxing.  I had so many clothes.  I had an awesome haircut.

Now I survive just fine with 5 t-shirts and two pairs of shorts.  I had more...but they got lost in the laundry over time.  My $75 bang cut has grown out and my mascara dried up a long time ago.  My toes are unpolished and my mind is quiet.  I am smiling easier.  At home I couldnt live without my car. Now I am learning how to walk slowly and enjoy the amble.  I never realized that I walked so fast.  I think it is a city thing...Something you pick up in America when to have so much to do that you have to drive 80 mph and then sprint in order to finish half of it.

For those of you that don't know, when I was younger I compiled a list of things that I wanted to accomplish in my life.  I take this list very seriously.  Somethings on the list are relatively simple - things like eating white asparagus or milking a cow (which has proven a little more difficult than expected).  Other things are more abstract - things like learning patience.  A long time ago, living on a kibbutz got added to the list.  I am proud of myself that I made this dream come true.


People at home are starting to get anxious that I am still here...I think people are looking for a plan. I know that when I left everyone, including myself,  thought I would be away for 5 months.  Now I have been away for 7 months.  For now, I am simply trying to appreciate this gift that I have been given. I am very lucky to have such an incredible and supportive family at home and to be able to live here. This is an experience that is changing my life and my way of thinking. I am trusting myself more, connecting to my thoughts and respecting myself. 


I love Israel. It took me a long time to get here. At first, (and still sometimes) I found Israel a really difficult place to be. The people are very different from the people in the U.S. It has been said that an Israeli is like a cactus. Thorny and prickly on the outside and soft and sweet on the inside. It took me a long time to get through the thorns and to feel comfortable.  But now I am slowly falling in love with the people. As communication becomes easier, I have started to feel less isolated and more confident here.   I am learning to appreciate the quirky Israeli way.

Here is a personal experience which I think very much illuminates the difference between Israel and America...

The other day I went with Shachar to the hospital in Jerusalem for an MRI. One of the two MRI machines was broken and there were atleast 20 people waiting. We got to the hospital at 3pm and waited until 7.  It was a long wait.

In the waiting room in a U.S. hospital, people (myself included) would be sitting alone...maybe reading a magazine, talking on the phone  or watching TV...only leaving thier own bubble to periodically complain about the wait. Some people even considering it a personal affront to have to wait...as if the MRI machine broke just to spite them.  

During our wait in Jerusalem everyone in the waiting room became friends. We moved the chairs around to sit in a circle together. By the end of the day, we all knew about each others lives...where everyone came from, what they were doing, why they were in Israel...etc. We played Rummikub together...and everyone shared their different methods of playing. When it was dinner time and we were still waiting, the receptionist shared her dinner with us. It was a meeting of friends. 

This happens all the time in Israel. The country is so small that it is not uncommon to find a connection with almost everyone you meet. Everyone knows someone who you know. For this reason, it is like everyone is family. People don't treat each other as strangers. Also, Israelis have a more real connection to the concept of living everyday as if it's your last. Because there are so many threats to the Israeli way of life...and because that lifestyle has to be fought for...people here appreciate things on a deeper level than most Americans. Israelis are tough but they are true.

Although I have extended my stay in Israel, I want you to know how much I am thinking of you guys at home.  I dream of home every night.  My heart is full with you.  Right now I am living my bold and dashing adventure.  I may not have a concrete plan or a plane ticket home, but I know that it is with you all where I belong and where I will return.

Life is really special. I love you. 

With undying love for volleyball, 3 bushels of crabs, 10 gallons of lemonade, and homemade ice cream.
I respectfully remain,
J. Michael Hess Webber
Michael

maryland my maryland.

At this moment, I am so homesick that I am sitting on my bed eating Old Bay out of the container.

It is really helping.

Mayonnaise

My hair smells of mayonnaise but it is so shiny. Last night i decided to give my hair a mayonaise treatment. I didnt realize what I was undertaking. Now the bathroom smells of mayonaise and so does my pillow. But my hair is shiny!

 Danielle just called me a prat.

 We are drinking wine, listening to Israeli music that we wish we understood, and doing homework. We each have an oral presentation next week. I am telling the story of my rats...accompanied by a slide show. Tonight, Danielle and I bought fuzzy stickers in the kolbo. The have googly eyes. I bought little dinosaurs and Danielle bought rats. I also bought little old school clip-on ornaments for my bike spokes. They make noise when the wheels spin.

That reminds me... I got a bike! My dear friend, Shachar, fixed me up a bike.  It even has a basket.  I'd only had it for a week when I blew a tube out. I took it to the bike shop and 35 shekels later, it's riding smooth.

 This weekend, my friends and I went to an enormous concert in Tel Aviv. I think there must have been at least 5000 people packed into a big warehouse. We went to see Avicii, a Swedish D.J. The energy was enormous and it was reinvigorating to be there. Madonna was performing on the same night. The city was crawling with people. I really liked Israel this weekend.

 Time to study... With undying love for the baltimore Brain-Eater, The Miami Face-Eater and New Jersey Intestine-Thrower.

 I respectfully remain,
J. Michael Hess Webber

my cat died.

R.I.P. Shachar...meow meow.

Happy Birthday Bob Dylan...meow meow...






...meow.

Your Mama Tzfat

Day 3 on the road draws to a close. I am writing this entry from Kibbutz Ein Gev on the on the eastern shore of the Kinneret. It is night and I can see the lights of Tiberius from across the lake.

Greek-Orthodox Church, Capernum

Before we left Tiberius, Dan and I started the day with toast and a friendly game of checkers.  Then we hit the road.  We were headed for Tzvat.  On the way, we made a quick stop in Capernum.  Capernum was an ancient town and it is said to be the home of Saint Peter.  Today, what remains are the beautiful ruins of a once thriving city.  The house once inhabited by Peter is there - with an enormous modern church of glass built above it.  Also in Capernum is one of the oldest synagogues in the world .  Most breathtaking is the Greek-Orthodox church that is located just outside the ancient city walls.  It sits on a hill overlooking the Sea of Galilee. The yard of the Greek-Orthodox Church is full of peacocks, a Christian symbol of immortality. I thought that was a nice touch.

Church of the Multiplication, Tagba

The rock.

After Capernum, we visited Tagba.  Tagba is the traditional site of the miracle of the multiplication of loaves and fish.  Until 1948, it was also an Arab village. Now, Tagba is a Christian pilgrimage site.  The small church has been built around a large rock, upon which Jesus stood to bless the bread and fish.  There was an enormous group of Christian Indians in Tagba today.  They came in a big bus.

Today, I wore pants and a hoodie and so I was allowed to enter the holy sites...something to keep in mind in case you ever want to visit the Holy Land...they don't take kindly to exposed shoulders.

Then we arrived in Tzfat.   Tzfat is the highest city in Israel. It is one of Judaism's four holy cities and is the world center for Kabbalah.  Because of its deep foundation in Jewish mysticism and magic, the city is built around superstition and magic. Every doorway is painted turquoise or blue...colors thought to ward off evil. The religious women dress in turquoise and even wear turquoise eye make-up.  Chamsas and the ever-seeing eye hang in every home and garden.

Upon my request, Dan and I visited every synagogue we could find in the city.  We also visited the artist quarter where we got to talk to some local artists.  It was a great chance for us to practice our Hebrew away from the kibbutz.  We also visited the famous Safed Candle Shop.  In the shop they had a giant wax candle sculpted into a David and Goliath scene.  It was clever. I especially liked that Goliath had crusty toenails. We ate Yemenese food for lunch...which included Yemenese Ganja Juice for Dan.  Dan bought some fly Naot sandals and then we explored the old cemetery.

The Artist Colony in Tzfat

Now we are in Ein Gev drinking rum and playing War. We ate dinner at the Ein Gev Fish Restaurant. I got Fish Shwarma and it was AWESOMMME.  A long day, I think I'm going to hit the hay.  Tomorrow we are going to Hamat Gader...and then home.

With undying love for cheeze, Sublime, Chevrolets, hand wipes, a mammoth orange, and St. Peter Fish.

I respectfully remain,
J. Michael Hess Webber

Yabba-dabba don't

Today, I got poop on my arm...and this time it wasn't fish poop... (you'll have to read on to hear more)

Dan and I are on a trip. Yesterday we caught a bus to Hadera, rented a car from a wonderful woman named Jaquelin, and drove to the Kinneret.

We are booked, for two nights, at the Tiberius Hostel in...Tiberius. In our room there are two sets of bunk beds.  Dan and I have one and the other is being shared by two Australians. Both are very friendly.  The four of us share a bathroom.

One of our bunkmates is an Australian of Indian descent, named Anil.  Anil smokes A LOT of cigarettes and seems to have an affinity for canned beer.  I have yet to see him when he is not wearing linen trousers.

The other bunkmate is a middle-aged bearded Australian named Michael.  It has become very clear to me that Michael has not been in Israel very long. I draw this conclusion based entirely upon his bathroom etiquette. Israelis have very specific bathroom habits which are adopted, out of necessity, by anyone who has lived here.

Here are my observations:

1) As I mentioned in a previous post, the Squeegees is a fundamental tool in the Israeli bathroom. Today, after his shower,  Michael had NOT sqeegeed!

2) Every Israeli toilet comes equipped with two flush buttons. One is the #1 button and one is the #2 button. Generally, the #2 button is larger than the #1 button, just to make life simple.  All I'm going to say is that Michael pushed the wrong button.

All around, though, Michael is very very nice.

Moving on...

Tiberius is a city on the western shore of the Kinneret.  It was established in 20 CE and named in honor of the Roman emperor, Tiberius.   Tiberius has been venerated in Judaism since the middle of the 2nd century CE and since the 16th century, it has been considered one of Judaism's four holy cities, along with Jerusalem, Hebron, and Tzfat.  Now...Tiberius is a tourist hub.

We are here through Shabbat so there isn't much going on.  The city is a bit of a ghost town. We arrived yesterday around 1pm and explored every inch of the city.  We visited the ancient ruins, went to an abandoned mosque, walked the promenade, played billiards, visited the tomb of Maimonedes (although I couldn't enter in my shorts) and ate cola flavored blow pops.

Mount of Beatitudes

Today we hit the road around 9am and drove north around the western edge of the lake. Our first stop was the Mount of Beatitudes, on the northwestern shore of the Kinneret. This is the supposed spot from which Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount. Again I was in shorts (it was 90 degrees) and so I wasn't allowed into the shrine...the grounds were beautiful though.  

We stopped next at the Gadot Lookout, took some awesome pictures, and then hit our original destination...the Dvora Waterfall on the Gilaboon river. We hiked...and hiked...and hiked.  To me, as an American from the east coast, the trail was surprisingly treacherous...scaling rock piles, wading through rivers, and scaling cliffs, in order to move ahead.   However, while I was starting to laugh uncontrollably from sun exposure and exhaustion, Israeli families (teeming with little children in Tevas) passed me on their "leisurely stroll" with picnic lunches on their backs. The views of the Hula Valley were unbelievable.

At one point Dan made a brilliant observation.  He said, "Man, Israel really makes you work for the awesome scenery. It not like you just walk down a little asphalt path and BAM...a pretty picture.  Nope, if you want it, you have to work for it, dammit".  .

I think this same thing applies to Israeli people. I have found that you can't expect to walk into a situation and feel surrounded by friends. You have to prove yourself to Israelis. You have to work for friendship and companionship. But once you get it, it is so very worth the effort.  

Now for my poop story...

Dan and I took a break from hiking to wade in a stream that looked like it was straight out of the Garden of Eden.  Vines of pink flowers hung from a cliff face and bamboo shaded the water.  It was paradise.  We left our shoes and water bottles on a boulder in the middle of the stream.  When we decided to press ahead, we put on our shoes, picked up our water bottles and started to walk.  Five minutes later, we started to notice a very pungent poopish smell.  Dan realized that the smell was coming from the bottom of his water bottle...and it was poop. Someone had pooped on the rock and he had set his bottle in it!  Then I realized I had poop on my arm...I had smeared my arm in human poop! Mmmmm.

Which reminds me of a quick note on Israelis:
When Israelis are going on a day trip, they never leave the house without a roll of toilet paper...just in case.  They must learn this in the army.  I think I am going to adopt this practice.

All-in-all, Dan and I walked about 10 kilometers.  At the end of the trail there was an ice cream truck.  We each ate a popsicle.

Now, we are sitting in the hostel lobby drinking wine and watching the Munich/Chelsea game with old men...a glorious day from start to finish.

With undying love for Firehook mediterranean crackers, DJ Flula, peacocks, and sparrows.

I humbly remain,
J. Michael Hess Webber

Mmmm Home...

I apologize for my lonely blog and your lonely emails.

I have been spending a lot of time trying to stayi in touch with all those who I love so so much.  I have been finding it difficult to stay afloat and I made a decision to be more present HERE for my last two months.  That, of course, does not mean that I have forgotten about you guys...you are my strength and my foundation.

Lately, it has been difficult to wrap my brain around my return to America (I think everyone knew this would happen).  It is incredible how quickly yet imperceptively life shifted and how very attached I have grown to an experience that was once only an abstract idea. 

As the tug-of-war in my heart presses on, I remember the things that pull me back home. In this entry, I will share a list of SOME of the THINGS and PLACES that I have been missing.

Things I Love About Home:

-Grandma's back porch on Tuesday nights, manipulation with Grandpa, and cucumber & onion salad.
-Robins and squirrels and cherry blossoms and weeding the garden
-Saturday mornings in the West Kiosk with Starbucks and cross-stitch...and Nathaniel
-Walking to Spro for a cup of their freshly brewed iced coffee.
-Morningstar Spicy Black Bean Burgers
-Charmin toilet paper
-Thunderstorms
-A dinner of corn and tomatoes
-Trips to the farmer's market and pickles-on-a-stick
-The smell of farm-fresh tomatoes in the summer
-Watching baseball games at Turps with a bucket of Boh
-Crab mountains and sandcastles and photo booths
-Going to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night to buy gummi-worms
-Uno Attack
-Walking Mitzvah at dusk with Daddy
-Fireflies
-Shucking corn on Grandma's front porch
-Pickled tomatoes
-Wilderness: the frog slide, putt-putt, my cousins, Just Dance 2, crossword puzzles by the pool, the lake, and the air hockey table.
-Artscape
-Stew Leonards: the Wishing Well, fried chicken and coleslaw on the beach, singing lettuce, and the smell of the bakery.
-Collecting hermit crabs
-Chick n' Ruth's Deli...and Annapolis.
-Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream
-Potted plants...specifically our Basil
-Inside jokes...specifically those I have with my siblings
-Whole Foods-drinking Kombucha and eating a loaf of olive bread in the car on the way home.
-Driving my car
-Cheddar cheese and string cheese and swiss cheese
-Surfer Blood at the Ottobar
-My fingerprint Toms
-Lithuanian Dance Hall and J. Patrick's and Blob's Park
-the Orioles
-L.P. Steamers
-Dinner on the patio at Chipotle with my family...and MItzvah tied up outside the gate.
-Waking up in the morning to the sound of cicadas.
-My bicycle.
-First Thursdays in Mt. Vernon Square
-Playing scratch-offs at Zissimos
-The Vegan Sandwich (plus goat cheese) at Milk & Honey
-Drinking beer in the fountain at night
-Police on segways
-Rehoboth Beach and Skeeball and penguins and walruses
-Truckeroo and grilled cheese sandwiches
-Slip N' Slides
-Sirens in the distance
-Walking to 7-11 in the snow with Daddy
-Morris

To be continued...

With Undying Love for (see above),
I humbly remain,

J. Michael Hess Webber

יום השואה: לזכור ולתקן

Yesterday was Yom HaShoah.

Yesterday at 10:00 am the sirens went off. At 10:00 am every Israeli stood atogether in silence. Cars stopped. At 10:00 am every Israeli, and every Jew, remembered where we came from and those whose lives were lost at at the hands of intolerance and ignorance.

The sirens are powerfully haunting. The entire country stops in respect and remembrance. I have never experienced anything like it. Here are some videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYooy2KcKbE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lYADekjoG0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

At 9:48 I was eating breakfast with my coworkers in the dining room. Noam looked at the time and said we had to hurry back before the sirens started. We got to the madan at 9:58. We ran inside and turned on the radio. The emotions I experienced in these moments before the sirens reminded me of waiting for a tsunami to hit. I think it was suspense caused by the knowledge that something powerful was coming and inevitable. Then the sirens started. Even without the radio on, we could hear them. They are deafening and they fill the air. It was stunning. At that moment, I felt a deep sadness and yet an intense appreciation for my life.

I am lucky.

Pesach

Today is the last day of Pesach. In 45 minutes I will join my family to celebrate the coming of Shabbat and the conclusion of Pesach.

I spent Seder here, on the Kibbutz, with my family. The day of Seder, Dan and I helped Leann make floral arrangements in the dining room. Leann gathered the flowers herself, from the fields surrounding Ma'agan Michael. She arranged the flowers in an organic and whimsical way that was quite impressive.

Seder was HUGE. I think the official attendance count was something like 900 people. Sharon, my mom, led the seder while I sat with the rest of the family and ate matzah with ketchup. At the end of Seder, Sharon and I sang Oseh Shalom Bimromav together, on stage. It was a special moment. I was very nervous. I am glad did it. Sharon says that it is in challenging yourself and doing things that you are scared of that you grow. She is right.

Seder was different than I am used to. Not religious. Fast. Big. I missed home. I missed my family and mama's matzah lasagna...and Mina's matzah candy!

Pesach in Israel is strange. Those who keep kosher, follow the sephardic tradition and eat rice and legumes and barley. I don't which meant no hummus. Many people look at you like you're crazy when they realize you observe Pesach. Someone even asked me "Why?!"

Once you leave the kibbutz, keeping kosher gets a little easier. Restaurants advertise that they are Kosher for Pesach and grocery stores hang sheets over the shelves of food that isn't kosher because you aren't allowed to buy it. In restaurants, you can get matzah for the table instead of bread. What tickled me the most was walking down the street in Tel Aviv and seeing random matzah crackers littered across the sidewalk, abandoned in the park, and being eaten by men in the mechanics shop. It made me feel proud. Often, during Pesach in America, you really feel alone. While you eat dry matzah and macaroons, everyone else is indulging in jelly beans and chocolate bunnies. Here there were no chocolate bunnies...just matzah in the grass. It might sound sad, but actually, it felt refreshing.

I like the feeling of giving something up in order to gain a higher and more alert concienciousness of my Jewish identity and of myself. I have always found it comforting to know that I am just one amongst millions of people who are making a similar sacrifice for a common purpose. We are reminded not to take for granted our freedoms and to celebrate what it is to be Jewish. Pesach is a time to look inward. To relieve the body from the bondage of indulgence in order to cleanse the soul and open the mind. It is a time to recollect where we came from and how we will move forward. Forward I move...

!חג שמח לכולם

With undying love for מימונה, שסקים, בבקשה, אין כניסה לפילים, וזיקיות

(meemoonah, shesekim [a delicious fruit growing on my neighbor's tree], No Entry for Elephants, picking grapefruits, and chameleons.)

I respectfully remain,

J. Michael Hess Webber

the squeegee.

The squeegee (see left) is a staple of Israeli housekeeping. Seemingly, the mop does not exist in the Land of Milk and Honey. There is only the squeegee and the broom. Sometimes the broom doubles as a scrub brush but ALWAYS the squeegee reigns supreme.

The squeegee serves multiple functions.

1) When water is not used, the squeegee can be used in place of a broom. For example, if there are matzah crumbs on the floor, and you are an Ulpanist, you can use the squeegee to gather and push the matzah crumbs out of the room.

2)When used with water (as it is intended), the squeegee pushes the water around and ultimately down the drain. All Israeli bathrooms are equipped with a drain in the middle of the floor. This way the water can be removed easily. This is very necessary because, on the Kibbutz, the entire bathroom is your shower. There is NO shower curtain OR tub. Thus, after a shower, the entire bathroom is wet. So, then you take the squeegee and push all the water down the drain.

(quick tangent: before you take a shower, you also have to move your toilet paper to a high shelf AND lift the toilet seat to avoid getting it wet. )

3)I have also seen the squeegee be used to remove the water from a tabletop after a spill AND to clean the windshield of a van. Mind you...this would be the same squeegee that is used to clean the bathroom floor.

As I see it, the squeegee would not serve much purpose for an American household because, unlike in Israel, American architecture does not revolve around the squeegee. It is rare to have a drain in the floor...which entirely eliminates the usefulness of a squeegee. This is unfortunate because I am growing quite fond of squeegeeing.

With Undying Love for Squeegees...

I Respectfully Remain,

J. Michael Hess Webber

יום חמישי

As per usual, I am eating cookies...only this time they are special. They were homemade by Nonny! She sent me cookies and now my room feels like home. Mmmmmm. Angela just told me to stop eating. She said, את משמינה״"..." you are getting fat". Haha. I'm not getting fat but she is very worried. I am very happy.

Today brings me to the end of another week here on the kibbutz. The week has been fairly uneventful. Although, on Tueday night, Dan and I ate dinner with our adopted family. We made Sushi and it was a blast. I left covered in "tattoos". The kids drew stars, butterflies, skulls, hearts and flowers all over my arms. I was sad when they washed off in the shower. We also "fat-boothed" (look for pictures on Facebook) and they taught me how to pop-and-lock. Then we practiced the four questions for Seder Pesach.

Today I had my second Hebrew exam. I think it was okay. I'll see on Sunday. I wrote a funny essay about nature. Speaking of nature, I killed a fish today. I stepped on it. It was an accident. I drank too much coffee and was all jittery. I think I need to cut back on the coffee...it is causing harm to small, armless creatures. Speaking of fish, one pooped on my face today. I injected him and his poop shot onto my chin. I was actually impressed. Anyway, how many people can say that their face has been pooped on by a fish? I think it's probably good luck.

Angela just got home and popped open a can of liquid energy. I am scared. I think she is going to clean. Oh geez...she just put on Ukrainian trance music...it is getting real serious. :)

More later. I'm going to Alex's to make soup.

With undying love for facebook monster-offs, my dolphin pillowcase, dominos, Voxer...and (right now) my earphones!

I humbly remain,

J. Michael Hess Webber

R.I.P. Crush

Today, Crush died. We are sitting shiva for him. Please don't send flowers.

:(

See you later, alligator

I have been doing so many neat things this week and I haven't had a chance to write! I have a lot to talk about so I am about to have a post party. Get ready, get set, get excited!

To summarize, these past two weeks have been extraordinary.

YANN:

Last week I had my first visitor in Israel -Yann! For those who don't know Yann, he was our Brazilian foreign exchange student in high school. We fostered a true friendship and he has been part of my family ever since...for almost 10 years.

Unfortunately, this visit was the result of a lot of sadness for Yann. His father, who had been sick for quite a while and was living in here in Israel, passed away last week. Yann got the news and flew over to Israel almost immediately. He was here for the funeral and to sit shiva. He was staying with his cousin in Ashdod (20 miles south of Tel Aviv). His visit to Ashdod correlated almost exactly with the start of Hamas' rocket attacks on the city. Yann saw a missile fly overhead while he was driving down the road.

He was due to leave on Wednesday so on Tuesday night he came to the kibbutz. We had dinner, skyped Mom, Shea, and Mitzvah and then we drank a few beers with my friends. We went to bed early and awoke on Wednesday at 5:30am so Yann could make it to the train on time. It was a fast visit but it warmed my heart and I think it helped Yann relax after a very intense week. I love him.

THE WELSHMEN - Robin and Matthew.

Alex and I had our customary jasmine tea last Wednesday afternoon. She got a new teapot and matching teacups from the כלבו. They are very pretty and the cups help keep my hands warm because they don't have handles. Before I left, she mentioned that her friends from Wales were going to be visiting the kibbutz the next day. Of course, we had to meet. We share blood.

I met them at the pub on Thursday night. Immediately, I sensed something so familiar about them. Robin is tall and thin, witty, and super hip. He looks like someone straight out of a River Island catalogue. His face reminds me very very much of my cousin, Matt. His sense of humor reminds me of that of my Irish friend Jason Byrne. Matthew, on the other hand, is a little more working class, but in such a charming way. He didn't wear flannel or turtle shell glasses (in fact, he was the only one of the four of us not wearing turtle-shell glasses) but he is an extraordinary conversationalist. His face reminds me a lot of my cousin, Andy. We decided to go on a grand adventure the next day...

HAMAT GADER:

Friday morning the four of us piled into a rental car. Our destination: Hamat Gader. Hamat Gader is a spa village in the Golan Heights. We were headed there to spend the whole day lounging in the hot springs.

This trip was the first time that I had seen the Kinneret (the Sea of Galilee). It was gorgeous. So blue and calm. The Kinneret is extremely important to Israelis because it is the sole source of "sweet water" (fresh drinking water) for the whole country. They pipe the water out and send it north and south. For almost a decade, the Kinneret has been low and it is a big concern for the country. On the news each day they will announce the level of the lake. We talk about it in class too. If the Kinneret runs out, there is no water to drink.

We arrived at Hamat Gader and first visited thier alligator farm/petting zoo. The petting zoo was FULL of Baboons. Baboons are ugly. I would be okay never seeing another baboon. They can stay in the trees. I will stay away from those trees. They have the weirdest bottoms.

After watching the the Baboons for too long, we played with baby bunnies, chicks, and turtles. Then we went to see the alligators. They were huge and awesome. We were watching them from a floating bridge in the middle of the pool. Then it started to move. I looked in the water and saw that an enormous alligator was stuck beneath the bridge. Watching his body wriggle back and forth just below the surface of the water was eerie. The tail alone was as thick as my body. All the sudden I had a huge appreciation for the power of the alligator.

Then we submerged ourselves in the hot springs. Mmmmmmmm. They were full of Russians and we people watched for hours. We drove home around the north end of the Kinneret and up into the Golan Heights. We saw a rainbow and beautiful lush rolling hills. As is common in Israel, the beauty of the land was juxtaposed against the reminents of a difficult past...ruined homes, landmine warnings, and abandoned army towers.

We came home. Adi broke his nose while he was surfing. Alex took him to the hospital. His nose was gross and awesome. He drank Arak and felt better. Then we went dancing. The next morning we all went for a walk on the beach and then had a picnic outside Alex and Adi's house. Matthew and Robin left at 2pm. Alex and I, both cold, got into sleeping bags and talked for a long time. She is important.

MY ADOPTED FAMILY:

I have been adopted! Here is the story, Morning Glory...

As an ulpanist, it is possible to be adopted by a family on the kibbutz. You become part of the family, help take care of the kids, go to family events, spend Shabbat together etc. Having a kibbutz family also provides a lot of support for an ulpanist. If anything happens while the ulpanist is in Israel, their kibbutz family would be er to help handle it. Having an adopted family also helps ulpanists learn conversational Hebrew. All-in-all, being adopted is very beneficial for both the ulpanist and the kibbutz family.

So...

From the first time I went to the post office, I knew it was meant to be. The name of the lady at the post office is Leann (לאן). I felt an immediate connection with her. She is funky with crazy hair. She always has a colorful scarf wrapped around her head and she has a raspy smoky voice. When she laughs, you can tell she really means it. She is interesting and she is wise. I always look forward to going to the post office because I love talking with her. It became my goal to woo her into adopting me.

So...part two of the story...

Canadian Dan and I were running on the beach when he told me that he had finally been adopted. Of course, I asked him who had adopted him. He said "Leann Portugali from the post office". My heart fell. Dan got very lucky. By now, many ulpanists had already been adopted and I was starting to feel like it wasn't going to happen for me. I was a little orphan without a home.

So, I went to the cafe on Friday night and Leann was sitting with Dan and her sister, Sharon. She invited me to sit with them. I did and we talked and talked and it started to rain and we didn't care, we just kept talking. It was time for Sharon to go home and before she left she asked "Mikey, would you like to become part of our family?"

Uhmmmmmmm....duh. It's all I have ever wanted....and now I am happy. I walked home with Dan that night. Actually, he walked and I skipped. Now, he is my adopted brother.

Sharon has two kids who she raises alone. Yurinai (8) and Noor (5). On Thursday night, I helped Leann set up for a modern opera that she is putting on tonight. Then Noor and I went for a walk to the park and I helped Yurinai with his homework (which is too advanced for me). Last night, was the one year anniversary of the death of the mom of Leann and Sharon. I went to Sharon's house and met the whole family. Leann, Sharon, their sister, Dana, and I sat on the porch all night. They smoked cigarettes and showed me old family photos. I absorbed it all. I am so lucky. I will write more about the Portugali family in an upcoming post.

CRUSH:

My friend and coworker, Gaston, found a little turtle in the koi pond yesterday. He brought Crush home. Crush is now living in a Tupperware container with rocks and more lettuce than he could eat in a lifetime. He is a very handsome little turtle. Gaston and I were going to take fish from work to keep as pets. Now, Gaston only wants Crush. I want a hyrax (the Israeli version of a squirrel).

We also found a giant sea turtle on the beach. He was not alive. He must have washed up on shore. It was sad to see. He is the talk of the kibbutz this week. Today, Adi told me that once a cow washed up on the beach and sat alone in the sand for weeks before someone removed him.

Alright...

Many words. Much time. הרבה מילים והרבה זמן!

More soon. I still have to write about my trip to the desert!

With undying love for giraffes in high heels, Elvis in Jerusalem, Walkie-talkies, יופי תופי, popcorn fish, and BANANAS!

I respectfully remain,

J. Michael Hess Webber

52!

Happy Birthday, Mama! As of today, the world has been a better place for 52 years. I love you.

sand in my ear and poo on my shoe

I wrote a long long post yesterday and then the computer crashed and I lost it. I will now attempt to recompile my thoughts.

Yesterday I stepped in poop. Then I sat on my friend's sofa and got poop on the sofa. Then yesterday in class, I sat on my foot and got poo on my pants. It was really unfortunate. You might ask why I didn't scrape the poop off my shoe first thing. The answer is simply that I was too lazy. I am a complicated person.

Also in class yesterday, I had an itch inside my ear. I scratched it and my ear was full of sand. I was on the beach on Friday afternoon and there was some serious wind. The wind blew the sand in my ear. That means it was in my ear for three days. When it is windy on the beach, the kibbutzniks all come out to windsurf and kite surf in the sea. I love to watch.

I would now like to comment on the fact that Angela, Sarah, and I went through a roll and a half of toilet paper in under 24 hours. Impressive. I was thinking of this today while I was scrubbing the walls of our bathroom in preparation for our monthly room inspection. We passed. Our bathroom is currently sparkling. My eyes were burning a little because I felt it was necessary to use pure bleach to clean our shower.

Purim has come and gone. I love Purim. Americans don't do Purim correctly and, as a result, I have been missing out my whole life. In Israel, it seems Purim preparations last all year. The celebrations last all week. There are parades and costumes and sweets and the energy is contagious.

On Thursday night, my friends and I went to the Kibbutz Megillah reading. It was great. It was the first time I had been to synagogue since the start of ulpan. It was great to be able to read the Hebrew and understand more of what was being read. While they read the Megillah, little kids who were dressed in costumes carried around big bowls of gummy worms. Thursday was the kid's Purim party. There was a moon bounce and a giant dance party for all the kids on the kibbutz. They loved it.

On Friday, Hannah and I had a picnic breakfast. Then I spent the rest of the day helping my friends, Peleg and Yarden, with last minute Purim preparations. We painted and stapled and hammered. It was satisfying. After we were done, we climbed a tree and went up to the roof of the heder ochel and watched the sunset.

Friday night was the big Purim party. It was crazyy. There was a mechanical bull. My friend, Vidhura, rode it 4 times and has been walking like a cowboy ever since. Hannah and I dressed up as German barmaids. I had a name tag that said "Gutentag". My costume broke sometime during the night. At the end of the night, my shoes were almost completely black because so many people stepped on them. I went to sleep at 5:30 in the morning. It was quite an event! I like how the #1 question after Purim is "do you remember anything from last night?" Don't worry, I remembered everything.

Last night was the Midget Reveal Ceremony. We each had to stand up and list for the ulpan what gifts we had received throughout the week and then ask "Who is my Midget?" Then, our Midget would step out from the crowd and reveal themselves. I was so happy. I spent the whole week thinking that I knew who my midget was. When I asked "Who is my Midget?" someone I had never met stood up. I was so happy and so surprised. I guess I'm not as smart as I look. What is so cool is that we got to know each other without knowing who each other was. Now we are officially friends...on facebook. His name is Ignacio. He is from Argentina. He gave me the BEST chocolate.

The past two days I have been working at night in the coffeeshop to help Hannah. Her coworker, Debbie, cut her foot on the beach on Friday and is in bed with 9 stitches on the bottom of her foot. I am standing in for her, unofficially. It has been really fun. I am learning my numbers and getting to talk to a lot of people. I am also able to type up my blog post on an actual keyboard. Glorious!

Speaking of Hannah, I have to go help her close up shop. Time to wipe down the tables and stock the teacups.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxxoxo

With undying love for Angela's clothes lines, cockroach antenae in the drain, sombreros, a laundry of dishes, broken futons, tukeem, and tuna with potatoes.

I respectfully and Jewishly remain,
J. Michael Hess Webber

Are you my midget?

שלום חברים!

I am over stuffing my belly with sesame crackers, listening to Cat Stevens, and settling in to write this week's blog.

I spent this weekend in Tel Aviv with my dear friend, Swiss Hannah. I think I want to live in Tel Aviv forever. It is a spectacular city...gritty like Baltimore. I felt really at home.

Hannah and I didn't know we were going to Tel Aviv until 11:30 Friday morning. It was then that we decided to catch the 12:00pm shuttle. We cut it pretty close but we made it. The shuttle took us to Binyamina train station where we caught the train and rode it south. Hannah's Aunt Shoham and Uncle Amnon live in Tel Aviv with their three kids: Noor (15), Yanai (12), and Sarai (6). Our plan was to have lunch with them on Saturday afternoon.

We got to Momo's Hostel and checked in. I think we were the only ladies staying at the hostel. We got a room to ourselves AND it had a balcony...and no heat...and no mirror, and we had to use the boys bathroom BUT we did have a television set to VH1. We walked around Tel Aviv and ended up treating ourselves to a nice posh dinner at this soho-style hipster restaurant called Orna and Ella's (ורנה ואלה). I had vegan tofu curry. Tofuuuuuu.

By the time we were finished with dinner it was freezing and I only had a hoodie to keep me warm so Hannah called her uncle and we went to his apartment to pick up an extra jacket. We ended up staying for three hours. We drank wine and ate almonds and olives and challah while I was taught a ton of words by Sarai. Door, floor, wall, spoon, plate, cup...anything she could point to. I was tickled to be learning so much from a 6 year old. Yanai, who is twelve, brought out some books and helped me read them. He translated the things I didn't know. He also taught me Hebrew tongue twisters. I think I learned more Hebrew this weekend than in the entire ulpan so far. It was fantastic.

After Hannah and I left, we walked around the city and it started to pour! And then it started started to hail! So we sought shelter in a coffee shop/pub and were served free whiskey from a dog-training coffee-making bar tender with a ponytail named Nadav. Then we returned to our little hostel room and watched VH1 music videos and sang really loud to Christina Aguilera until we fell asleep.

About Hannah's family:

Hannah's aunt is a translator of texts. She just finished translating Oliver Twist into Hebrew. We had a really interesting conversation about Dickens. She is also a writer and she gave me a copy of a book she had written in which she simplified Jewish legends for children. Inside the cover she wrote:

3.3.2012

למייקי

מוקדש לך בידידות

Dedicated to you in friendship

מזכרת משבת גשום בתל אביב

A souvenir of a rainy Shabbat in Tel Aviv.

I was really taken with Hannah's family. Such genuine, sincere, and righteous people. We talked a lot about Judaism and what it means to be Jewish, both in the world and in Israel. We also talked a lot about Israel and Palestine.

Many people in Israel disagree with the idea that Israel should surrender the occupied territories and create a Palestinian state. Obviously, this is a highly contentious issue. Shoham and Amnon refuse to fly the Israeli flag because, to them, it represents injustice. Shoham made a very interesting statement about Israel. She said that there is a lot of irony in the state of Israel as it exists right now. Essentially, Israel was created as a Jewish state so that we would have a place of refuge after the Holocaust. However, in the state it is today, Israel has become its own Jewish ghetto. The Jews, says Shoham, have walled themselves into this space. No one exits to surrounding territories and no one enters. There is so much fear of the unknown and ignorance and hate on both sides of the fence. I would be interested in hearing what others think about this.

Later, on Shabbat, Amnon and Yanai took Hannah and I on driving tour of Tel Aviv. He took us to the spot where Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated. I remember that day so vividly. I remember the intense sadness in the world. I was only ten then.

Shoham and Amnon invited me to return to Tel-Aviv for Pesach and to join them for Seder. I am honored to have them as my Israeli family. I was quite taken with them. They make me want to be a better person and I will cherish my weekend with them, always.

Anywayyyy...

This weekhhyjiihh Hannah Montana ze lo tov be Hannah Weiss ze tov, maybe Caja Caja...Gaston wrote that.

Purim is on Thursday! We are celebrating all week. Yesterday we were each assigned "midgets". A midget (or elf) is a person who gives secret gifts to someone else. We have to give special surprises all week until Friday when our midgets are revealed. Today, at dinner, someone delivered to me a pudding (מילקי!) and said it was from my midget. Yesterday, someone delivered a goldfish to my neighbor. The whole kibbutz plays this game. They are really serious about it. Hannah's midget prepaid for her dinner last night and left her chocolate with the person working at the cash register. Everyone should play this game. It makes people so happy.

People are also starting to rock pieces of their costumes. Today, Mauricio walked into the dining hall for dinner wearing a sombrero and a gigantic fake mustache.

Best news yet...I got my Hebrew exam back! 101%! Yessss. I was so excited. Our teacher wrote my score on the board.

I have been writing for a long time. I think I should stop now. I miss everybody.

With undying love for babies made of "cake, and chocolate, and milllk", Hannah's itchy head, ginger in chocolate, comet 4-5, harpoonists, and zatar.

I respectfully remain,

J. Michael Hess Webber

Avokados

Ahhhhh...test tomorrow. This is going to have to be a quicky. I have to make borscht and study.

My goal is to get a 100% on the exam and surprise my teacher. The other day I got all the answers correct on a project and her exact words were "wow, a real surprise". I felt like a little kid who had just gotten a sticker.

Avocados, avocados, everywhere you look on this kibbutz there are avokados (ulpan spelling). South Africans call them avos. My friends are working in the avocado fields and stuff their pockets at the end of each day. We eat avocados all the time. I have two ripening in a paper bag in my room and another one was in my purse and, of course, exploded all over my machberet (notebook). It dried before i noticed and so I turned it into a pretty picture. I am going to send the idea to Martha Stewart..."avoart".

Sunday night was Erev pitot...pita night. It was a celebration of our successfully completing one month of ulpan. We baked pita in an oven outside our schoolhouse. We sat on rugs on the ground and stuffed our faces with fresh baked pita. Some of us...me...ate the pita dough without cooking it first because I was impatient. A stomach ache and really gnarly burps immediately followed. The next day, however, I found two shekels on the ground and I felt better. I used the two shekels to buy a bottle of orange nailpolish with glitter specks in it. Then I REALLY felt better.

Also on Sunday, we got to visit the kibbutz costume collection. The collection is extensive and is set up for Purim in the kibbutz bomb shelter/synagogue. It was like a thrift store except we didn't have to pay for anything. There is an honor code that you return what you take when Purim is over. I think i mentioned before that the theme for Purim is "cowboys and Indians". I had already bought a cheap 20 shekel cowboy hat and so I only picked out a few accessories...including a gun holster. I then went to the kolbo and bought a noisemaker which I put into my holster. It's a perfect fit and will come in handy.

This week has been trouble. There is no work in the madan and so I have been temporarily relocated. This week I am working in the kitchen. There is only one word that could accurately express my feelings about this...ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

On Sunday I fried French fries for 2 hours. Yesterday was fun because I made pizza. Today I cleaned all day. I washed pots and mopped the floor and wiped up salmonella blood juice. One good thing about working in the kitchen is that I use conversational SO MUCH more. At the madan it is easy to get by without talking very much. I have a lot of friends there so usually we are either speaking English or they are laughing at my American accent.

There is another reason why this week has been trouble...on Saturday I flushed my phone down the toilet. Justin had so graciously let me use his old iPhone 3. He worked really hard, before I left, to jail break and unlock the phone so that i could use it with my Israeli sim card. Now, it is dead. When I realized where my phone was, and that I had to somehow get it out, all I could do was laugh. After, I googled "I just dropped my iPhone in the toilet" and the #1 suggestion was to put it in a closed bag of uncooked rice. So currently it is submerged in a bag of uncooked rice. Anyone with any ideas or suggestions of how to save the phone, please share.

Ok. Friends are bugging me to eat dinner and so is my stomach. I love you all.

With undying love for washed up movie stars, girl bikes (there's no such thing), band aids, and milk foam...

I respectfully remain,

J. Michael Hess Webber

First I'd like to start off that Danielle Paula Dictor is the greatest person I've met here.

(Danielle wrote that. She absconded with my iPad while I was buying tea. )

It has been hard, this week, to sit down and write. My mind, my life, and my schedule have been a little confuddled. I think I've been eating too many cookies. In Israel there are cookies EVERYWHERE. Everyplace you go there is a cookie jar and I am realizing that I have no self control. I decided to set myself a daily limit of 4 cookies. 1 in the morning with my coffee, 1 during each break in class and 1 after class. Yesterday, I ate four cookies with my coffee alone. I ate a total of 8 cookies. Oops. I will try again on Sunday.

Sarah has whooping cough. Poor roommate. Justin gave her the nickname "Coughee" because she coughs so much. I thought that was clever.

South Africans use the word "hectic", on average, 3 times a minute. To a South African, hectic can mean something negative or positive and the only way to know is to listen to the context in which the word is being used and then guess.

Here are some recent examples:

"Man, class is getting hectic."

"That song was so hectic."

"These beans are good but the salad was a little hectic."

That was Just a quick note on South Africans...very nice people...kind of hectic.

But for real...

I have a fish scale splinter in my finger. I don't know if you have ever had the opportunity to feel something like this. Take note, FISH ARE DANGEROUS...and not to be messed with. This fish scale is hurting my finger a surprising amount considering that it is just a fish scale. I just wrote the words fish scale too many times...I'm think Im trying to emphasize the torture.

So let's talk about fish more because I love them. I have had to do a lot of injecting lately. When you inject fish, you have a lot of time to think and reflect on the little creatures you are stabbing with a needle. You experience a wide range of emotions. You have to inject the antibiotics under the back fin on the underbelly of the fish. When you do this, the fish raises its fins in the air as if cheering for you. I can almost pretend that they are enjoying themselves. Fortunately, the antibiotics are good for them and keep them strong and healthy. Also, fish only have a 3-5 second memory so they soon forget the pain. Also, we use clove oil to help them relax so they don't hurt themselves by flopping around. In reality, they don't have it so bad.

I finally got a chance to talk to my dear mama last night. I hadn't talked to her in 3 weeks. She called me and my heart leapt. I thought my heart was going to come out of my mouth. I have never missed someone so much. Her call was perfect because yesterday was יום המשפחה (family day) in Israel. It was the best gift. I didn't get to talk to dad, though, because he had just gotten back from California and he has a ganglionic cyst (which mom called his "special pet"). I miss you, pops. Your back pain is stupid.

Last Friday my friend, Alex, and her kibbutznik boyfriend, Adi, took me to Haifa. We went to a wind surfing competition. I am pretty sure that the competition was happening in a hurricane. From the sidelines it was impossible to see the windsurfers through the horizontal deluge. It was great and I got a chance to meet a lot of Israelis. Adi and his friends surf here at the beach on Ma'agan Michael. On cloudy days the waves can get really ominous. The other day, the front half of Adi's board broke in a storm. I told him to tell people it was a shark. Apparently, There are no sharks in israel.

Purim is fast approaching and it is in the air. Purim prep has already started. The theme for Purim 2012 on Ma'agan Michael is 'cowboys and Indians'. Every night we help the kibbutzniks paint purim decorations. I painted a cowboy hat with stars on it. Everybody is talking about their costumes and I even bought a cheap cowboy hat at the shuk in Jaffa.

Speaking of Jaffa...we went on our first טיול (trip) this week. We went to Rehovot to the Ayalon Institute where Ma'agan Michael began. An intersting fact about Ma'agan Michael is that it was begun by the haganah as an underground ammunitions plant. Bullets were made at the original kibbutz in Rehovot, 20 feet below the kibbutz, by the kibbutzniks in secret preparation for the Israeli war of independence in 1948. It was fascinating. My friend, Noam, is the granddaughter of one of the original kibbutzniks who worked underground making the bullets. Her grandmother is really sharp. I like listening to her stories.

After rehovot, we went to Old Jaffa. Old Jaffa is 4000 years old. It is the alleged home of both andromeda and Cassiopeia. While walking through the allies of Old Jaffa you get to see and touch the wear and tear of time. There is something humbling about walking on steps that people have been walking on for millennia. It puts life into perspective. We ate some deeeelicious falafel and then visited the shuk pishpishim (flea market).

I have to go prepare for Shabbat. We are dressing up for dinner to welcome the sabbath queen...and also to feel lovely. Before I go, I want to make a shout out to my homie Michael Rice who is going to be married next weekend! Mike, I am going to be celebrating over here in your honor and I have been thinking about you and Soma a lot. I am going to miss the elephants, and the Indians, and the curry...and your face.

With undying love for walking to the beach at 3am, Bambas, multicolored cotton balls, gato, and Yom sheeshee sushi,

I humbly remain,

J. Michael Hess Webber

הארק

I haven't written all week! The Internet had been down on the kibbutz but now it is back up and I am back at it.

Today I was tickled in class when I realized that I am learning Hebrew in Spanish. My מרה (teacher) is Israeli but spent her childhood in peru and speaks fluent Spanish. She does not speak English. Sometimes she looks at me to learn English words...like "emphasis". She can never remember emphasis. I am the only American is class. I like that. Class is full of Argentinians. She is always saying sheket! (quiet!) to them because they never shut up. But they are funny. My favorite, Gaston, is one of the boys I work with at the Madan. I like to look over at Gaston during class because he is always making that face that looks like he is about to die. Today, I looked over and he was stretched out across two chairs with his feet up without any shoes on. He loves Hebrew too.

I have been in a weird place since the start of the day on Tuesday. I feel silly admitting it but maybe it is because Tueday was יןם האהבה (valentines day). I was feeling lonely and blue. I have been getting out of work at 3:30 pm while most of my friends are busy until about 5. I have a lot of alone time and I have been walking alone to the beach. I sit with the waves and the Israeli air and think about what I'm doing and I write and I draw and I try to imagine.

On Tueday night I went to the כולבו (the everything store...literally) and bought some chocolate and a bottle of wine. I was determined to enjoy myself. I ran into my friend from work in the wine aisle. He was also buying a bottle of wine for himself. It made me feel a little better to know I wasn't alone. BUT then I was invited to fill an extra seat in the car of the boyfriend of a fellow ulpanist named Maya. Maya and her boyfriend were driving 20 minutes to Caesaria for a romantic dinner on the beach. I accepted the invitation and I was so happy I did. Caesaria is an ancient Roman settlement in Israel. It was named after Caesar Augustus. It is full of ancient ruins and I was in heaven for the night. It was the most romantic Valentine's Day I could dream of...only without the boy.

Do you want to know what the most useful ipad app is? Google translate! With my growing hebrew skills and the help of google translate, I can now talk to angela (my Ukrainian roommate). It is amazing. Ukrainian uses an entirely different alphabet. Luckily when google translates it gives you the translation in Ukrainian AND the phonetic spelling using English characters. With this I know how to pronounce whatever it is that I am trying to say. Today she told me that she wanted to kill me...maybe it is better that I don't understand her. Now I have to live in fear.

Tonight is eighties night at the pub. I am going to go in my muddy fish-gut covered Wellies and see how many people notice. The other day I went to the coffee shop and EVERYONE turned and looked at my muddy boots. Israelis frown on muddy boots.

Also, a quick note of reference...yesterday I received a package...but in order to pick it up I have to pay 223 shekels (80 dollars) in customs tax. If you love me and want to send me a package please make sure that you ARE NOT honestly filling out the customs forms. You have to lie and list the value of the package below $30 and only list chocolates and candy as the contents. I hope this doesn't deter your from sending packages because I really really look forward to them. Mmmmm...packages.

I will write again tomorrow but for tonight I have to stop before Danielle straightens her hair on fire.

With undying love for squishies, captain America, suggestive shapes in the broccoli, moosh moosh meetz, beau-friends, and Indian hats.

I respectfully remain,

J. Michael Hess Webber